My life seems so uncertain at times.
Blogging is trickier, to the point where I felt I needed to stop for good this weekend. I have had lots of cries of "No" my husband Chris the loudest, my friends especially Sarah and Helen and small family all supporting me whichever way I went.
I just could not write the post to say I was closing my blog. It actually made my heart hurt.
It was suggested just do the small things, not fret, break from all else, but caring for Granny which is taking up more time. This advice is what I tried to do on and off, but interminably long hours alone, with Granny obviously, however she needs me and as her age dictates she sleeps and of course cannot hear so its hard to chat.
So my blog, it is staying, my photos as such will be of the garden, a few trips out occasionally and may not be recent, but they will give me a sense of carrying on and hopefully speak to my lovely readers and friends.
With my caring responsibilities and being in for the last 11 weeks and I mean 'in' for all of that time it is is hard to keep up with my dreams, to blog at the rate I did three years ago, dizzying days of 4 of 5 posts, events, being asked to go to Europe, cooking up a whirl in my lovely kitchen back in my old house.
However my life is only hard in moments of exhaustion, it still is my blessing and delight to be here with my Granny. Would not want her anywhere else, I promised her years ago before dementia came to dwell. I promised my Mum when she announced she had cancer that Granny would not be a worry and despite her fighting it trying hard to stay, she died knowing that was always going to be unchanged. We have lost our home, our times together. But will never regret any of it.
Though our future after is now very uncertain, not sure where we will be, I want to keep this here my baby blog (five years old next month.)
So here is my Sunday photo.
A small escape for 2 hours a few months ago made me look at this track in a different way today. The feeling of wanting to get on a track and follow plans I made before is on hold. The need to run away not from caring but from tiredness, not having days out with my children and husband all at the same time.
Thomas the Tank tootles down here in summer, my children have grown up with happy days waving at the train as it goes through our country park, but on a different view it looks as if it goes far far away and yet it is familiar.
I am on a bridge looking down today and in a few years maybe will be 'back on track' with normal family dreams, an hour out together, even a whole day out, a walk an ice cream.
For now, not quite the success express, possibly more a rickety ride, somehow though I am back on track today!
Oh and happy just in case it sounded sad!!!